Safety is a Relative Issue
By Mike Straw
Einstein quipped, “Put your hand on a hot stove for
a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl
for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”
don’t much study relativity -or anything else. TVs keep
getting bigger, but our minds keep shrinking.
scientific relativity invades our lives at the most inopportune
confuse one thing with another.
sheep who style themselves “citizens,” who daily earn that
appellation through the strenuous pushing of difficult buttons
on their remote as they angrily blame the TV manufacturers
for not arranging a way to push a button and simply have
a frosty mug of their favorite beer appear in their uncalloused
hands, make the often-fatal mistake of confusing a blue
uniform with blue tights, a badge for a red “S.”
fervently wish, after the fact, that their flying
superheroes will magically appear before their frightened
eyes, just in the nick of time, to once again save the day
after going through the strenuous exercise of pushing the
buttons “nine” and “one” on their ubiquitous cell phones
-they’re vexed because they had to push the button for “one”
their confusion, the sheep actually believe that
the “public servants,” mercenaries, really, are at their
beck and call, owing them as individuals the obligation
to save their miserable hides every time the boogeyman flutters
all, they do pay taxes, don’t they?
see it on their expensive TVs every night on every Western
-pardon, now they’re “cop dramas” -the good guys
-the sheep - always get saved by “someone else,”
the ads on their TVs back up the theory: alarm companies
claim that if you pay exorbitant amounts for their silly
box -which will be ripped out of the wall and disconnected
by the bad guys long before the thirty-second disarm
cycle ends - that the gullible sheep can now feel
victim disarmament spokesmen soothingly advise
them to “just give them what they want!” echoed
on every “reality” program, where uniformed prostitutes
- er, “officials,” solemnly advise, “never resist!”
in the face of incident after incident where the very resistance
to illegal aggression has just been proven to have
been the only course which kept the valiant Warrior alive.
- God - doesn’t care how much you make, the size
of your estate, or all the other trivial, mundane details
of daily life that make us all unique individuals.
you’re a half-million-dollar-a-year surgeon in
your hundred-thousand-dollar SUV reaching for your dropped
pager or a teen-age drug user in your stolen jalopy
reaching for your dropped joint, when you come back up and
see that bridge abutment racing towards your frightened
countenance at eighty-five miles-per-hour, you’ll be
just as dead.
confusing the availability of public servants with their
presence at your specific location, headlines daily flaunt,
“Elizabeth Smart kidnapped at gunpoint from her own bedroom!”
when the simple truth was, not only was the alarm in the
one point one-nine million dollar, six-thousand
six hundred square foot, six bedroom mansion off,
but the garage door was open.
warning could she possibly have expected?
that’s what I pay taxes for!” Sorry. Go talk to
your lawyer. Ain’t so.
only do the mercenaries - pardon, public servants, not obligated
to show up when want them, even if you had a witnessed,
written contract to protect you specifically, when they
purposely headed in the opposite direction
for donuts and coffee (now that’s never been done
before) you can’t sue them for it!
John Steinbeck accurately assessed, “The final weapon
is the brain. All else is supplemental.”
Smith, founder of Thunder Ranch and master instructor, advised,
“If you look like food, you will be eaten.”
me rephrase that: if you think like a
sheep, you will be devoured by evil.
- er, what should I do?”
find a mirror. That’s the proper basic tool to
discover who’s ultimately responsible for your well-being
- and that of your precious family.
get a copy of Lieutenant Colonel “Jeff” Cooper’s book, “The
Principles of Personal Defense” available from www.paladin-press.com.
you haven’t wimped out yet, the next step is to take the
“Refuse to be a Victim” course from the National Rifle Association
–wait, wait, there’re no nasty firearms, and all
the folks there will be recovering sheep like us.
simply a program to open your eyes to the fact that you
have choices. You make the decisions - it’s your
a copy of “Jim Grover’s” book, “Street Smarts,” from the
same website. There’s a quiz in the back you’ll
wish to take.
you’re still with me after that, it’s back to the
NRA for their “Basics of Personal Protection in the Home”
simply expanding your horizons here, no
need to get flustered.
you’ve proved yourself adult enough by this point, let’s
try a new website: www.trsdirect.com.
videos we’re looking for are, first, Paul Vunak’s “Street
Safe,” the Chris Clugston’s “Combat JKD.”
you haven’t fainted, and feel brave, try
“Surprise Attacks,” by Tom Proctor and “Killer Instinct,”
by Demi Barbito.
let’s buy a few inexpensive items: a mini-Maglite® flashlight
and a few inexpensive books: “The Official Kubotan
Manual” by Takayuki Kubota and John Peters, and “In the
Gravest Extreme,” by Massad Ayoob, both available at www.ayoob.com.
you’re still with me at this point, congratulations!
you’ll be a recovering sheep for the rest of your
life, with proper planning, you’ll never
feel compelled to douse yourself with mint sauce again!