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Gun Control = CSI


by Ted Lang

I don’t watch television; well, almost never! I cave in on Sunday afternoons to savor the only really artistic and creative effort offered on the electronic boobaratus: the latest astonishingly engineered loss by the NFL’s New York Jets professional football team. I admit to being a Jets’ fan for 24 years, dating back to the days of “The New York Sack Exchange:” Joe Klecko, Marty Lyons, Abdul Salaam and Mark Gastineau. At one time, I held seasons’ tickets!

Now the greenshirts are 5-0, and perhaps they will defeat Senator John Kerry’s New England Patriots this coming Sunday. Why Kerry’s Patriots? The Patriot’s helmet insignia bears a striking resemblance to Kerry wearing a tricorn. I realize that I am digressing terribly here in terms of political discourse, but I am actually putting more importance on this game than the worse-than-useless upcoming presidential election between Twaddledumb and Twaddledumber. As to who’s more in the extreme as regards the foregoing assessment, take your pick between boneheads!

But other than the Jets and Jeopardy, I really have no use for the boob tube. Occasionally, I walk into the “rec” room while my wife is half reading and half watching the latest propaganda offering by Hollywood, presented loyally with a maximum of appropriate reverence and decorum celebrating government perfection and superiority in providing for, serving and protecting us, the unwashed simpletons and street rabble. Hollywood’s incessant parade of nitwit “reality” crap, Oprah Winfrey’s tear-jerking confessionals, Dr. Fill, and all those wondrous police bureaus, dyno-mite female castrationist kops, and the unending inventory of alphabet soup government agencies, is enough to make a thinking person of libertarian leaning barf a river.

And just as you think you’ve got a handle on the “season’s offerings,” well then you have to pull a Bill Clinton-type inquiry and ask the Tinseltown Tinkerers: What is your definition of a season? And if a lawyer show takes off, then some other channel will also offer a lawyer show. And if one channel has a “reality” show, then another channel or sponsor will fund a show featuring pretty and not-so-pretty scantily clad nincompoops chowing down on snails, slugs, spiders and scorpions. Yuk!

But nothing is more obnoxious than the know-it-all koppers and shysters on “NYPD Blue,” or “Low and Odor,” or “CSI” [Crime Scene Investigations]. I’m not sure of the original locale of “CSI” but this highly successful ode to the beauty and glory of the state has morphed into a mitosis sprouting branches all over creation. As I have already confessed, I don’t watch much TV, so in order to continue this column and get to the point, I needed to do something sneaky. I had to search for “CSI” on the web in order to insert the correct number of CSI branches. Unbelievable! There are, as of this writing, THREE “CSIs!” There is the original “CSI,” then “CSI Miami,” and now “CSI New York.” I wonder if they’ll do an episode based on the gassing and murder by the NYPD of Alberta Spruill.

Of course, I’m sure we’ll never see a CSI episode that is really factual, such as a true and accurate account of the investigations of Ruby Ridge, the Waco Holocaust, the downing of TWA 800 or AA587. And 9-11 would be a trip, no? Does anyone with a mind accept the pap offered by the empty suits of the 9-11 Commission? How could the entire American military be AWOL for over an hour allowing 19 punks with boxcutters to terrorize our nation?

Frankly, I have no confidence in any investigations by any level of American government – never do they hold government accountable for any wrongdoing. So why the popularity of CSI? I guess it must be the presentation of a mystery to be solved, and the methodology using technology and the brilliant intuitive skills of the government sharpies. And as indicated by Dr. John Lott, Australia and Great Britain, where law-abiding citizens are disarmed by police state gun control regulations, crime does indeed skyrocket out of control. Obviously, these government-originated criminal activities need to be met by yet more government! Too bad the American people don’t see the irony of this folly!

As the entertainment side of these Hollywood productions continues to glorify and tout the marvels and benefits of big, powerful government, their “news” divisions continue to ignore and fail to report the out-of-control crime in countries abroad that have delivered on the American media’s desired agenda, which compromises the safety and security of our law-abiding citizenry.

<<Theodore E. Lang>>

© THEODORE E. LANG 10/20/04 All rights reserved

Ted Lang is a political analyst and freelance writer.

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